My new obsession

So these past few months I've managed to screw things up, put things together, and still constantly screw things up all the while, manage to keep myself from falling apart on a daily basis. It feels like I'm Elmer Fudd trying to fool Bugs Bunny into falling for the carrot under the box trick, except it's my heart that's under the box and I'm the one setting the trap and trying to catch it all at the same time.

I was told by an unnamed source, that this is probably the best time to start writing. So I'll keep it brief, I don't want you to think that I'm completely a nut job.

This is how I really feel:

For Sale: Bear good with numbers

So this is my last week at my job. I can't say that I'm sad about it either. I've lived long enough to know that things happen for a reason. My guess is that I'm gonna find a really awesome job with awesome people and awesome awesomeness...that being said, know of anyone who's hiring?

There's just that one song...

That you can relate to....



It was me on that road
But you couldn't see me
Too many lights on, but nowhere near here

It was me on that road
Still you couldn't see me
And then flashlights and explosions

Roads are getting nearer
We cover distance but not together
I am the storm and I am the wonder
And the flashlights, nightmares
And sudden explosions

I don't know what more to ask for
I was given just one wish

It's about you and the sun
A morning run
The story of my maker
What I have and what I ache for

I've got a golden ear
I cut and I spear
And what else is there
Roads are getting nearer
We cover distance still not together

If I am the storm if I am the wonder
Will I have flashlights, nightmares
And sudden explosions

There's no room where I can go and
You've got secrets too

i don't know what more to ask for
i was given just one wish

If there's one thing...

that I want, it's to sleep. I wish my mind would shut up for once.

It's true...

Oh the memories...

It's funny, but I was in this same position over a year ago.

Sweet dreams are made of these?

It’s hard to sleep these days. The past three weeks has been the worst feeling. It’s like a Nightmare on Elm Street movie where you have to stay up otherwise you’ll be slashed to pieces.

Around 1:30am I usually wake up. It’s a jumpy feeling I get that can’t be described other than that. I would be more accepting of the insomnia if the dreams didn’t start. A few years ago I was suffering from night terrors. I would have the recurring dream that a man with no face was chasing me. I would be forced to scream myself awake. I had one like this a couple of nights ago.

In the dream I was awoken by a loud knocking at the door. I got up to see what the commotion was all about. The pounding became more serious. I looked through the peephole and saw it was me. I seriously debated whether or not to let myself in. I hesitantly made the decision to let myself in. Once I opened the door I could just tell it wasn’t me, so I started the push the door closed and “it” pushed harder trying to get in. I looked out the peephole and it was the figure with no face trying to get me….again.

I ran down the hall and into the bedroom frantically because we have a sliding glass door in the bedroom. I knew he would try to break in that way. When I entered I saw just the bottom of the face peering from underneath the window shade. He was trying to get me. That’s when I woke up.

It’s been a long time since I’ve seen “it”. We’re not good friends.